I think the main reason I don’t say anything on here anymore is because I truly don’t even know who I’m speaking to.
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This afternoon, I will presenting a “Queer Concept & Trans 101.5 Workshop” at George Mason University. My article, “Pride Ain’t All Good: Celebrating Pride and Prejudice,” was assigned as reading for the class and I was asked to come discuss the article and the underlying themes of it. Words I, a little Black Queer boi, wrote were assigned as reading in an academic setting and I was asked to come talk more about the topic. Am I the only one amazed by this?
It is moments like these—six hours before the start time with a Powerpoint incomplete—that remind me of the importance of our work and unity as Black Queer people. Gwarls and bois—our voices and stories are important. We deserve to be taught in academia, and not just the normative of us. All of us. However, as loud as we shout from the rooftops and the streets, our singular voices are not loud enough to be heard over the roar of the privileged. This is why we must work in harmony with our queer family to create spaces. Classrooms, conferences, dorm halls, Corporate America—we exist in all of these places. Let’s make use of them.
I have this theory that White people being messy ties into their racial privilege and the concept of taking up space. Whereas Black people tend to be neat because we’ve been taught our “place” and thus to take up minimal space, White people tend to be messy because they think they own everything and can do whatever they wish with no care for others in that space.
Every room in the house has their…belongings…in it (except for my bedroom). My items? All in my tiny room or right outside of it, except dishes in the kitchen.
Speaking of dishes! The ceiling had a leak…so they used MY pot to catch the water and have yet to wash it out. It’s been a week. The pot is sitting on a chair near the garbage can. I think they’re planning on throwing it out. And I’m like, “Uh…no.”
Why do I put myself in these situations? Is $350 in Washington, DC really worth this?
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I’m not happy at Howard University. Maybe it’s the circumstances under which I’m here, maybe it’s the school, or maybe it’s me. Maybe it’ll just take more getting used to. Maybe I haven’t found the right set of friends. Maybe I need to get involved on campus. Maybe the fact that I’m a transfer student, a non-traditional student, and I live off campus play a role.
Whatever the case may be, I feel no pride about being a Bison. I’ve met a handful of like-minded people and they all feel the same. In fact, it seems very few non-freshman students actually want to be here. Despite being “The Mecca,” HU seems like the school people go to when 1) their top choice didn’t work out, 2) they were given a scholarship, or 3) they are a legacy. But for people such as myself—average transfer students paying out of pocket? No love.
Apparently homecoming is coming up. I don’t even know what that is (football and “turn up”?), but everyone is excited so I’d like to take part. Too bad I don’t have any friends to take part with. And I’m tired of dong things alone, so…
It’s only been two months. I’ll get in where fit in soon enough. I just have to put myself out there, right? I have to walk up to people and introduce myself so they can laugh at me when I walk away…right?
On a side note: who thought it was a brilliant idea to have a middle school in the middle of a college campus?
"As individuals who have a way with words, pens, paintbrushes, and our bodies, we the “artsy activists” may not be the ones to discover the cure for HIV/AIDS or send future Zimmerman’s to prison. We may not be the CEOs of Fortune 500 companies or creators of the product that causes the demise of Apple. But we will be (t)here…" —The (Shaan)anigans