February 2012
18 posts
#QuestionsThatNeedAnswers: White validation of...
Black women want their beauty validated in White America, yet when a White finds them attractive it must be a fetish. By “validated,” I mean Black women want to be portrayed as beautiful in White American media (even though Black American media does that, but I guess it’s not good enough). I also want to know why being validated as beautiful in Black media isn’t enough....
Secret #4: I have a mental love story.
Without going into much detail, it involves meeting someone in an unlikely place, dating for a long time, taking forever to say the three dreaded words, staying together longer, toying with the idea of marriage but realizing that we both oppose it, possibly having kids (or him already having kids and them just loving me to bits), having a strong bond, and lasting no matter what.
Cliche, right?
On: conscious choosings
Becoming more conscious and aware of the way society governs lives often causes me to analyze the way I lead my life. For example, I question my transition and why I felt it necessary to “create a new person” when gender is nothing but a social construct. I’ve also questioned why I am attracted to the type of people I am, why I want my body to look a certain way, and why...
Criticism: women vs men
Excerpts from a recent conversation I had with derangedjane after she asked:
Why are women so much more receptive to criticism and judgement than men (seemingly) are? This seems to be a recurring issue. If one woman says that she finds body hair disgusting to a crowd of men, none of them will take issue with it. If one man says that he finds body hair disgusting, many of those women will...
(Black American Princesses)
Unfortunately, I must admit that I was once the type of Black person who hated all things “ghetto.” I once felt as though the gold teeth, loud hair, and Ebonics set our culture back to the pre-Civil Rights era.
As I watched “B.A.P.S” for the first time in years, I realized something. My thoughts have changed extraordinarily.
People hate “B.A.P.S” because of...
Marriage, Schmarriage
Gay people wanna get married. I just wanna be able to use the public restroom without getting my ass beat for being in the “wrong bathroom.” —http://trans-doc.tumblr.com
This is exactly why I couldn’t care less about gay marriage. While yes, couples who have been together for years deserve to be just as miserable in marriage as their heterosexual counterparts—there are more...
Quick thought on: abrupt endings + trust
Ever had one of those friendships that comes to an abrupt halt? That happened recently. Due to my philosophy on friendships I’m not feeling any sort of way about it. It is what it is, so that’s not what this is about.
It’s just interesting. It was a friendship that I thought would last much longer than what it did, and for that reason I revealed what turned out to be too much...
Secret #3: I've never had an intimate experience.
This might sound odd. I suppose it is. But, I’ve never been intimate with a person. At least not my definition of intimate. I’ve never been given anything other than a platonic hug or kiss. I’ve never cuddled. I’ve never stayed up all night revealing things about myself. I’ve never felt the comfort and safety of laying under a blanket with a significant other....
On: transracialism
…people can feel like they were born in the wrong bodies right, we call this transgender but what if people feel like they were born in the wrong race would that be transracial is that a thing? and is it respected? am i behind the times? I seriously just wondered about this…?
—patrontruths
When I initially saw this question, my immediate response was, “No! That’s...
On: Black fashion
Air Force Ones, baby hairs, du-rags, black lip liner, Kangol hats, nameplate necklaces and belt buckles, finger waves, Coogi sweaters. Remember those days?
I took part in most of that 1990s-inspired craziness. Good times. As I’ve gotten older, though, I’ve lost interested in being “hip” to the latest Black fashion trends. The entire look of the style no longer interests...
Something: about us
When I find out (what I would consider to be) an extremely personal detail about someone, it’s often on my mind when I see them. Not in a negative or judgmental way, though.
I just wonder what being “different” has made their life like. I know that struggle very, very well. I know how one small, seemingly insignificant detail about yourself can thwart all attempts to live in the...
Your face is a social construct.
No, really. It is. Everything about it has been socially constructed in some way or another. Hence why you (generally) look like everyone else. And it’s that way for a reason. Not to say that everything that has been socially constructed is that way for a reason, or even that it shouldn’t be changed. But your face, your face…it has been socially constructed. Does this upset you?
...
More thoughts on: erasure of experience
I am annoyed.
My experiences as anything other than a 5’5, 120 lb, Black gay man in the state of Washington have been erased. Despite having been nearly every gender identity and sexual orientation under the sun, I have been told I am not allowed to speak on certain situations. Why? Because currently I lead my life as a “less” oppressed individual. Prior oppression...
“The idea that the world hasn’t always been like it is today—in fact, where...”
– Steven Conn, Dinosaur Wars
Pre-thought: erasure of experience
Does the fact that I transitioned from (society’s definition of) female to male erase my experience as someone who was once viewed as a woman, and thus treated as such? Does my transition to a more comfortable identity mean that I am no longer in a place to be able to identify with situations pertaining to women? Does the fact that I now identify as a man mean my two cents in discussions...
“I’m really scared for my generation, you know. The thing that scares me most is...”
– Drake
Humans: I
I don’t understand what pride and satisfaction humans get from harming one another. How does a group of grown men stand by and watch a fellow man get beaten senseless (literally) for verbal conflict. Then, when the senseless man is able to stand up, he’s bleeding from his head. And what does everyone do? Laugh. They take his shoes and laugh.
How sick does one have to be to find that...
January 2012
23 posts
"You pushed me out your vagina--thanks!"
In a sense, I feel like thanking someone for bringing you into the world is…odd. Yes, without them you wouldn’t exist. But you wouldn’t know you didn’t exist if you didn’t exist. Do the nonexistent thank whoever didn’t create them for not doing so? (Of course not.)
If anything, people should thank those by whom they were raised for giving them an ounce of a...
4 tags
Needed: $500
I now need $1,000 in order to have top surgery. If I can get said money by early March, my spring break and 21st birthday will consist of sleeping in extremely uncomfortable upright positions whilst letting my chest heal as I treat myself to cookies, grapes, and juice.
My planned deadline is March 11th. That gives me just under six weeks. It’s possible. I know it is. It’s just a...
“Being “forever young” means to be timeless. To exist in various time...”
– Unknown
“I will never compare the success of Black communities to the success of White...”
– Self
T.M.T.
My best friend isn’t like the best friends other people seem to have. She doesn’t know every little thing about me. I can’t talk to her about anything. We don’t see eye to eye on a lot of issues. I hate certain things about her and I’m sure she hates certain things about me. But all of that is alright. She doesn’t need to be some perfect person who serves my...
Shaan's Theoretical Hierarchy of Friendships
Acquaintances: You see these people regularly. You know their names and small facts about their lives (marital status, occupation, hobbies, etc). You share small talk when in each other’s presence. You’re always friendly to them, but would not think of inviting them to a personal affair.
Neutrals: Relationships with these people can do whatever—grow, die, or remain as they are. These are the...
Secret #4: I spend a lot of time wondering if I'm...
Associate. Friend. Coworker. Lover. Partner. Son. Nephew. Cousin.
“Good” is a relative term, but the idea of fulfilling my duties as the aforementioned in an honorable way plagues my mind. Does my lack of patience for team work cut into my performance as an employee? What is my purpose is my friend’s lives? Has my “lifestyle choice” caused a rift in the family?
...
Would it be sexist to offer to escort a drunk...
On one hand, it could be sexist because I’m suggesting she can’t fend for herself and her current state could “cause” trouble. On the other hand, it could be not sexist because I recognize the way our fucked up society is..and know the chances of her being assaulted.
What say ye, feminists and other people with opinions?
On: being tied down
I don’t aspire to be rich and famous. I don’t dream of having a big house and a (insert expensive car here). I want no part in institutionalized marriage and being a parent.
The less material things I own in life, the better. I’m not a person who likes to sit still. I need as little connections to a specific place as possible, so that when I’m ready to go it’s as...
“People want everything dumbed down so they dont need to smarten up.”
– Self
On: AAVE versus WE
I’m still torn on what I think about White English versus Ebonics. While I see nothing wrong with either, because its just the way people talk, a friend presented the argument that White English is the devil. She thinks that Blacks don’t need to learn to speak White English because White isn’t right—that is, it’s a way to tell Blacks they’re dumb. The phrase...
Things Shaan Likes
Janet Jackson. Conscious hip hop. Cereal. Outtie belly buttons. Lupe Fiasco. Natural hair. Black culture. Eggs. Thought-provoking discussions. The Fray. Old school R&B. Pancakes. Debates. Blankets. Dogs. Small spaces. Reading. Common. Google. Rain. Talia. Ebonics. Michael Jackson. Neo Soul. Limon Lays chips. Drake when he shares his feelings. Thunderstorms. Breaking Benjamin. Luther. Meeting...
Material for relationships (relationship material)
I don’t think I’m relationship material. I always see people saying what they would sacrifice to be with their significant other, and I wonder when and how hard they fell off the stupid tree and bumped their head. It just makes no sense. How is someone willing to, for example, stay up on the phone all night so their S.O. doesn’t feel lonely—knowing they have to work at 8 AM...
On: being pretentiously arrogant
I’ve been called variations of pretentious and arrogant since before I knew what either word meant. Even before I used my voice to reach the masses, people made assumptions about my personality purely based on the manner in which I speak.
I’ve come to find it amusing. Not because “haters give me motivation,” because that logic is horribly flawed, but because I have yet to...
“In this world, you can be whoever you want to be. You can build a life one way,...”
– Self
Not ugly, but nothing special either
I’ve definitely never been the one to make (wo)men bite their lips and shift positions because the very sight of me aroused them. At most, people have found my lips and midsection worth commenting on.
I could be cute like Luna described, but I’ve never really gotten those compliments either. Except for one person, no one says anything about my appearance. And the person who does tends...
Tomato Potato
People are entitled to their beliefs whether I agree or disagree. I’m an Atheist, yet I don’t care that people follow a religion. I believe that there is a monster that eats one of your socks when you wash your clothes. Are you going to prove me wrong? I bet you aren’t. We don’t know how the world came to be and we don’t know what happens to all those socks. We have...
Dear White followers--do you all have...
On: Shaan the angry duck
I don’t think people realize how happy I truly am. Many get the impression that because I notice the injustice of our society, and comment on it, I must be bitter and angry. In reality, I’m completely calm and at peace. My intentions are to simply better the world and help create the calm and peace within others. If I were nearly as angry as people perceive me, there would be a lot of...
How do you feel about the word 'love'?
Specifically, when used between humans (of any sort).
Secret #3: Logic > Feelings
Logic outweighs all feelings, but I still like to tease myself with the thought
For the first time in a long time, I allowed myself to have romantically inclined feelings toward someone. Nothing heavy. Barely a crush; more of an admiration. It has since passed and all is normal in my world once more.
Sometimes I caught myself thinking about the what ifs or envisioning a life of success with him...
December 2011
19 posts
Is God necessary for morality?
A brief opinion based on a recent Facebook+Twitter conversation
Moral codes existed far before the existence of a (primarily) monotheistic society. If God were needed to be moral, what say ye of the Atheists who follow the same general moral code as Theists (think: the Ten Commandments)? One could argue that religious moral codes dictate the actions of everyone, including Atheists, due to the...
T.C.E.P.S.E.R.: II
I find myself annoyed when you ask people not to do something, yet they do it anyway because it’s “funny.”
Example.
I posted a Facebook status telling people not to wish me a Merry Christmas (I don’t celebrate it) and two people did it anyway—right on the very status update where I asked them not to. Why would you do that? I’m sure they thought it was just the...
T.C.E.P.S.E.R.: I
I never preach to people about using certain words. I can’t control what another human being does, nor do I even want to. However, I do ask people not to use certain terms around or toward me. This offends people. That scream at the top of their lungs that I’m trying to take away their rights by censoring what they say. Oh, okay.
So feeling uncomfortable hearing a certain word and...
“I think it’s up to us individuals to decide how much of our private lives...”
– Erasing David
On: allies
During a recent outing, a White friend of mine explained to their (also White) girlfriend why it is not acceptable to only have Christmas decorations in public settings that supposedly promote inclusion of all cultures and communities. They explained that considering the fact that the U.S. is a melting pot, it is only right to recognize the various winter holidays people may (or may not)...
Don't die wondering
Life is about living. So why not live?
I refuse to die with a mind full of “what ifs.”
Give your two cents. Piss people off. Tell someone you like them. Tell someone you hate them. Eat random food that smells weird. Backpack across Europe. Spend money you don’t have on a concert to see your favorite entertainer. Don’t wonder what it would have been like. Find out.
Herschelwood Bussdown II
Now that I have expressed my biggest issue with this incident, it’s time to discuss another problem.
While I fully support the idea of consensual group sex, I do not support it when patriarchy is involved and goes unchallenged.
In the Herschelwood Bussdown video, the four young men involved made jokes about the young woman as if she were not sitting right there. Pleasure seemed to come not...
Herschelwood Bussdown
The negative feedback on the Herschelwood Bussdown video intrigues me. In it, a young Black woman is shown having sex with four young Black men in three minutes. The video has sparked an uproar on various media sites—not because those in it were possibly underaged (and therefore it was child pornography) but because the girl “had a train run on her.”
Why is it that when a woman...