SH.N.N.G.NS Ѫ

I want to work in an office in a tall builiding in a big city and wear suits and ties to work each day. And I want to live in a loft with modern rectangular furniture and walls that don’t touch the ceiling. And I want an interestingly colored dog, bold colored rooms, and a cute car.

Air Traffic Control will not give me such things. Well, maybe the money to have the loft and stuff, but not a job in an office in a tall building in a big city. Unless you consider an air traffic control tower an office in a tall building. Which it could be, but I still don’t get to wear a suit to work each day and look all professional.

Perhaps I should find some closeted rich gay guy, work as his secretary, bed him, and force him to give me a raise as blackmail. And by raise, I mean a $100,000 increase. Not to imply that money is everything, because it definitely is not. I just want a sexy little bachelor’s pad and a dog.

How about I make enough money in ATC to get all this, and just wear suits to work for shits and giggles?

On Facebook, I saw a video with a caption that said, “Gareth Thomas is notable as the world’s only current professional male athlete in a team sport who is openly gay.”

It made me think - what defines being “openly gay”? Is it someone who only comes out to those that matter and possibly other people who thinks it’s their business? Or is it those who make it a point to educate everyone in the world on their sexuality?

What I find fascinating is that people (LGBs included) call it obnoxious when Regular Joe’s feel the need to shout their sexuality to the world, yet say celebrities are in the closet if the public doesn’t know their sexuality. Prime example: Ricky Martin. It’s a known fact that during the peak of his musical career his friends, assistants, managers, and so on knew he was gay. However, being the private man he is, he didn’t feel the need to boast it to the world. Thus, people speculated until he came out publicly in 2010. But he was already an out gay man to those that mattered, so why do people say he was in the closet?

It is my opinion that homosexuality is the same as heterosexuality in the sense that it’s no big deal. While it may be “less favored” in our culture, causing such a fuss over every aspect of it does nothing but make it look more like a bad thing. The secrecy, lies, and embarrassment makes it seem like you killed someone versus your just like the same gender. This is why I hardly believe in coming out at all, because it glorifies being LGB in a way that seperates us from “normal people.” All the fear, crying, and so on are unneccessary. I think people should go about being LGB the same way they would go about being straight. You wouldn’t be deathly afraid to bring a member of the opposite gender home, to hold their hand in public, or to bring their name up in a conversation. So don’t be deathly afraid of bringing a member of the same gender home, holding their hand in public, or bringing up their name up in a conversation.

I digress, for this is veering off topic.

What, in your opinion, defines being “openly gay” (be it for Regular Joe’s or celebrities)?

Forewarning: This is an angry rant that most people will probably be offended by. It also contains strong profanity, because at the moment I have no better way to express my anger. Read at your own discretion. 

Teenager Commits Suicide; Friends Say Bullying to Blame

Honestly, this whole “people bully me because I’m gay so I’m going to kill myself” mess is getting old. Not because it’s becoming a biweekly event, or because the media nearly glorifies the incident. Not even because the media completely ignores the non-White, male victims.

I’m sick of seeing such headlines because the shit is stupid.

All these little teenagers are going around offing themselves; why? Because some moron called them a sissy or a fag? These kids act like high school is the rest of their lives. Newsflash: IT’S NOT. It’s a mere four, pathetic years out of the countless more that are ahead. So stop whining, ignore the fools, do your work, and graduate. Then you’ll be off to college where people could care less what your name is, let alone your sexuality (except Clementi’s moronic roomate).

What pisses me off even more is trying to figure out why these kids are giving two damns what some random person has to say about them. They have supportive friends and family, and some even had a supportive partner - what the hell else did they need? The entire world to back them? It’s not going to happen. There are people who hate redheads, people who hate Asians, and people who hate the color purple. But do you see a bunch of redheaded Asians who like purple hanging themselves? No. Yet when someone pushes a queer against the wall that’s the first thing that comes to mind.

Perhaps if young queers pushed their bullies back instead of killing themselves there wouldn’t be such an epidemic. But they don’t. And that’s exactly why they keep being tormented.

I’ve always been a supporter of suicide. It’s my opinion that it’s your life to take, so if you want to then by all means do it. And I still stand behind that. However, some of these kids need a reality check. Life isn’t nearly as bad as their dramatic asses are making it out to be. Trust me, it could be worse. You could be a member of the colored community, where being any sort of deviant will get you killed before you can kill yourself. Or you could live in a place where homosexuality is still outlawed. Hell, you could just not have any support system whosoever. But they’re not, they don’t, and they do.

Excuse me for being pissed off, but I’m sick of the weakness. Stop whining and stand the fuck up for yourself. If my skinny Black, transfag ass can, then anyone can. Grow some fucking balls (or another organ of your choice).

Refer here for part one.

As a response to your sex life question im actually trans. didnt say that i wasnt you assumed and as for asking some one who is cis i have its not a big deal its sexuality you blurt your life all over the web and a question about sex makes you upset? I only asked because of your blog about people not saying your attractive so i was wondering how your sex life was affected being gay and trans.

Despite your gender identity, the same concept still stands. You think that being trans and gay causes an issue, so is that an implication that being trans and straight doesn’t? Or what if it’s because I’m short, or because I’m Black, and not my trans status? There are plenty of reasons the post in question could ring true. Stop focusing on gender so much to the point that it becomes the reason for everything.

Believe it or not, very few details of my life are on this blog. More of my general thoughts are here than anything. I guarantee that unless you know me on a more personal level, you cannot give my full name, age, place of residence, college, major - among other more personal details. There’s a difference between updating people about my transition or providing random insight than telling the world about my life.

I’m nowhere near upset about the question. Annoyed, perhaps, especially since it’s coming from someone who ought to know better, but not upset. It’s been asked before and the same response was given. Then why, ask you, is this response so long? Because I want to make sure the point gets through your head so no further questions need to be asked. I also just like to be thorough.

It’s nice you asked a cis person, but again, my business is mine to tell. If I haven’t “blurted” (as you put it) about my sex life thus far, why would I do it now? Some people enjoy ranting about their sexual conquests, I enjoy keeping personal things personal. It’s this thing called privacy and I’m pretty sure I’m guaranteed to it.

Also, my level of “attractiveness” and my sex life have no connection. I could be the hottest man (trans or cis) on the face of the planet and not be getting laid, or the most hideous creature ever and have more sex than a rabbit. In addition, whatever the status of my sex life it’s by choice, not lack of opportunity.

Fin.

Have you had sex since coming out as Trans? Being that your gay im sure its hard with gay men telling them that your trans.

Dear Anonymous person,

My sex life is none of your concern. I understand that you’re just curious, however I’m pretty sure you wouldn’t ask about this topic if I were cisgender. Thus, I’d greatly appreciate you not asking because I’m transgender. My gender identity is not proper grounds for you to disrespect my privacy.

In order to avoid answering the question while still answering it, I will say that many gay, transgender men have plenty of success in their sexual conquests. Please refer here, here, here, and here.

I want someone to find me genuinely attractive for a change. I’m sick of old guys and thugs sending messages saying “hey beautiful” and “sup sexy.” I’m also sick of people only giving me compliments when they see that I’m down. Or saying that I’m adorable. What am I, four?

I never get compliments or attention from people my age. One of my roommates has gone through at least 4 guys since I’ve been here, and I haven’t even met one. Yet most people find me more “chill” and less annoying than him, so what’s the deal (other than being Black, since guys around here don’t like Blacks)? Does my breath stink or something?

It’s sad that I have to either make a comment about my low self-esteem or ask what someone thinks of my looks to get an opinion. And usually then it’s probably not sincere. Most often it’s just acknowledging that I’m not the most hideous person on the face of Earth, which I’m already aware of.

It’s not an issue of validation really. It’s more or less just me wanting to feel like I have something interesting going for me, instead of merely being a quiet homebody who enjoys working and eating. Sure, my personality is fine, but no one comes close enough to me to even say hello. And if they do, nine times out of ten they’re only interested in getting to know someone I’m familiar with.

I’m having a moment. Pay it no mind. And please don’t comment or reblog this post calling me various versions of “cute.” You’ll only prove my point.

_{Side note: If you have ever experienced being hit on by old men and thugs, you will understand why being called beautiful and sexy is not a compliment.}

Letters

Remember the letter I wrote to my English professor? During class on Tuesday, she mentioned that she read it and wanted to speak with me. We scheduled a meeting for Wednesday. Figured I’d share how that went.

The first thing that struck me as interesting was we met in an open space that had several other professors, advisors, and students within 10 feet of our table. It became clear that she wasn’t shy with her opinion on the situation, as since I wasn’t either it made for a good 30 minutes.

She immediately let me know that I wasn’t in trouble and said she agreed with everything I said in the email. We then began to discuss how she used to be blunt about forcing diversity into classes, but students dropped the course so she had to “tone it down.” Then we talked about some of the films I listed, and she wrote a list of at least 10 films with LGBT characters that I should watch. We inadvertently got into our personal lives a bit as she told me about a discussion she had with her Black gay friend about how difficult coming out and other such things are, and as I mentioned how my parents reacted.

I invited her to the college’s LGBTQ meeting next week. She seemed interested and enthused, so hopefully she’ll be there. If not, it’s understandable. I’ll still like her.

And

Some girl “unfriended” me today because she burned her carpet and management found out via me and confronted her about it. Funny thing is, she fails to realize they would have found out tomorrow when her apartment undergoes inspection. Dumb floozie. I think it’s hilarious.

Sessions

Had my first gender therapy session (see: here) yesterday. It went well, although she does need to update the photo on her website because it looks to be about 30 years old.

After filling out the standard paperwork, she began asking the ever-expected questions about my childhood and current life. I made her aware of my current “full-time,” stealth lifestyle and about my ultimate goals of seeing her. All was understood so I’m expecting good things.

Usually she doesn’t write letters for HRT until the third session or after, so I scheduled my next meeting with her for next Monday. If I’m able to stay on the two week pattern then I could have a letter by early February. And thus the mission to start hormones on or before my date of birth will have been complete.

Oh, and the person that drove me didn’t ask what the appointment was for. I love having privacy-respecting friends.

you schedule your first gender therapy appointment and a friend that doesn’t know you’re transgender offers to take you, then asks what the appointment is for. Said awkward moment is followed by the even more awkward moment when you leave the “gender” out of “gender therapy” in your response and seem like an angry lunatic.

As I’ve said before - being stealth isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.

Even so, at least I’m getting started one of the most major goals of this current period of time in my life. I’ll be paying out of pocket, since my father screwed up the insurance deal, but the woman offers sliding scale so it’s better than nothing.

I’ve spoken to her before, when I was in England, and she stated that she’d write a letter for someone who lived “full-time” for 3 months. I’ve been doing so for at least 5 months, so there’s a chance I may be able to skip past the pointless revealing of my emotions and get right to the letter.

As for the friend, I’ll probably just convince him to stay in the car or drive around because I feel as though him coming into the actual building with me would be highly uncomfortable. Maybe if I give him money he’ll go get me a milkshake. I like milkshakes.

Wish me luck and good fortune. Or just wish that the friend doesn’t insist on coming into the session with me…because that would be rather revealing.

Hi Ms. (insert her last name here),

You asked for movie recommendations, and while I may not be able to offer a specific one (due to not knowing what criteria, if any, you must follow), I can give an idea as to what I don’t want to see more of. Being a queer man of color, I’ve noticed that film examples you provide in class are all very heteronormative, queerphobic in some way, predominantly White cast films. Respectively, I don’t blame the issue on you. It’s how the industry and nation work. A vast majority of films produced and publicized have no relation to the growing minority communities, and most people who put work into creating films could care less about equal representation as long as they’re being paid.

Even so, I think it would be a good idea/experience to open the floor to all types of movies - literally. Instead of showing movies with leading figures most of the class can identify with, what if you showed/assigned films with minorities heavily involved in some way? For example, Black filmmaker and actor (among other things) Tyler Perry is a very known figure in the Black community. However, I’ve known Whites, Asians, and some Hispanics who have never heard of him. Yet we all know who Mel Gibson and Tom Cruise are, correct? What was the last mainstream film you saw with an openly-LGBTQ, non-stereotypical character, or even just a film with a completely positive representation of multiple ethnicities and cultures? It may to interesting to open that door and push people out of their “comfort zone” a bit. Make them see the other side, so to speak.
I apologize if this sounds like some sort of anti-White, anti-heterosexual, anti-gender binary rant, however I think if both domestic and international students are to really learn about American culture, diversity, and so on, they need to be exposed to it in whatever ways possible. I’m also just annoyed with continuously having to watch films that I can’t identify with in any way and would find the course much more interesting if films with more “controversial” topics were shown. Granted, this is just my opinion, but I figured it was worth sharing.

(insert my name here)

P.S. - While writing this I thought of some films I’ve seen or heard about that could be interesting. I added the IMDB link in case you wanted to check them out.

(insert list of films that can be sent upon request to anyone interested)

Business

Very broad. Could step foot in multiple doors with a single degree. Seems to provide more of the lifestyle I’d like to lead. Could combine several interests into a single job.

Lack of specific goal interferes with acquiring suitable training. M.B.A. is almost required to move up. Negative job outlook.

Air Traffic Control

Very specific. Decent pay. Deals with aviation. Could complete training in 2-3 years. Positive job outlook.

Only able to apply for a single job. Bad hours. Possibly not suitable for planned lifestyle. Current credits do not apply toward degree. Extremely competitive.

Random Idea

Get degree in air traffic control. Work as an airport passenger handling agent and pay through transition. Obtain second degree in Business. Transfer and work as a flight attendant. Transfer and work in air traffic control. Build a mafia, take over an airport, then name it after myself and be happy.